I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
