i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
