You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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