I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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