You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
