i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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