Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
