Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
