Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
