OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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