Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize