When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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