Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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