yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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