Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize