yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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