dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize