hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
