I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
