Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
