atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
