I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
