It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
