Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
