true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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