the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
