it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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