we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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