Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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