i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
