so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
