epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
