I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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