My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
