that's an acceptable place to lick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
