I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
