dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
