How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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