you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
