The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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