My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
