He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There r osticjed everywhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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