That's when you crack a 10am beer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
