I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
