dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
