I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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