toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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