Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
