You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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