i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Boobs speak an international language.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
