Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
