New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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