Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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