This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
