And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
