im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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