Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
