so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize