Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
