SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
