I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
