Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
