Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
