Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
