this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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