Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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