I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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