just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
