Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
