I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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