it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
