Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
