so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
