Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
