billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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