Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
