can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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