Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
