so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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