Are we in a gay sports bar?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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