totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
