oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
