Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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