so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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