someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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