The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
