Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
