She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
